Miscellaneous thoughts and humor

“Wise men make proverbs , but fools repeat them.” — Samuel Palmer

“It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.” — Aristotle

“It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations.” — Sir Winston Churchill

“Plato was a bore.” — Friedrich Nietzsche

“Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal.” — Leo Tolstoy

“The Earth is degenerating today.
Bribery and corruption abound.
Children no longer obey their parents,
every man wants to write a book,
and it is evident that the end of the world is fast approaching.”
— Assyrian tablet, c. 2800 BC

“Too many pieces of music finish too long after they end.” — Igor Stravinsky

“Mr. Wagner has a beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.” — Gioacchino Rossini

“In the end, everything is a gag.” — Charlie Chaplin

“There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man,
and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.” — George Bernard Shaw

“Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.” — Voltaire

“Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back
and, instead of bleeding, he sings.” — anonymous

“If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of 22,
it would have changed the history of music…and of aviation.” — Tom Stoppard

“You can’t imagine the extra work I had when I was a god.”
– Emperor Hirohito of Japan (1901-89), during his visit to London

“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother
took me to see him in a department store,
and he asked for my autograph.” — Shirley Temple

“I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.” — Dick Gregory

“God does not play dice with the universe,
but he occasionally racks up the planets for a game of billiards.” — stolen

“If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?” — Stephen Wright

“I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.” — Steven Wright

“What if there were no hypothetical situations?” — unknown

“People can have the Model T in any color — so long as it’s black.” — Henry Ford

“Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?” — Woody Allen

“Vote early and vote often.” — Al Capone

“If I were two faced, would I be wearing this one?” — Abraham Lincoln

Dorothy asked the Scarecrow, “How can you talk if you haven’t got a brain?” She looked at him puzzled. The Scarecrow answered, “Some people without brains do an awful lot of talking.” She replied, ” That’s true.” — Wizard Of Oz

“Behavioural psychology is the science of pulling habits out of rats.” — Dr. Douglas Busch

“Clothes make a man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.” — Mark Twain

“A friend is someone who will help you move.
A real friend is someone who will help you move a body.” — anonymous

“In the days before volcanoes were invented, lava had to be hand carried down
from the mountains and poured on the sleeping villagers.
This took a great deal of time.” – stolen

“This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.”
— Dorothy Parker

“A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.”
— Frank Lloyd Wright

“Sometimes you’re the windshield,
Sometimes you’re the bug.”
–Dire Straits

“See what will happen if you don’t stop biting your fingernails?”
— Will Rogers, to his niece on seeing the Venus de Milo

“Volvo, Video, Velcro: I came, I saw, I stuck around.” — unknown

“If you can’t beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.” — unknown

“Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a urinating and non-urinating section in a swimming pool.” — unknown

“Very funny Scotty, now beam me my clothes!” — bumper sticker

“I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of William Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.” — Bill Hirst

“He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.” — Jim Elliot